30 August 2006

A Ubiquity of Noesis

A bounteous blogger residing on a verty leaf has proffered munificent accolades, laurels -- not to mention bounty -- to any confrere of the blog-o-fermament concurrently both disposed and adept to conjoin linguistic units such as to impress the beholder with an affect of stupefication, veneration, and delight. Also, to perturb and mayhap to nauseate. Mais natürlich I was fain to assay my demure and unostentatious exertions. I would as lief compose this objet d'art for mere merriment or frivolous diversion; but for bounty??

Lest I trangress the regulations, the time is now for regaling you, fair plebeians, with the miraclulous phenomenon known to moi as the entwining of wondrous plied strands via erect, fusiform implements into textile artefacts.

Like Rodin's mannequin, I ruminate.

Though I sustain also my assiduity pertaining to the jaquard garment presently in manufacture, I have forthwith commenced to excogitate upon novelties.

Nay! Do not, in your spurious sagacity censure me! I will not brook querulous rancour from the perfidious among you! Fie upon thee!

Contrarily, I do not put in peril my belowmentioned resolve to frugally cultivate a mere sextet of undertakings synchronically. My exegesis of the matter is thus: the prevailing congregation of only two wooly contrivances is deficient. Such scarcity is enervating to the contriver, and engenders an arid blog. Ubiquitous representations of converging fibres induces hedonistic jubilation amoung the prodigal readers, and toward this ephemeral but obligatory reception I am much inclined. Verily, a frugal myriad of dulcet, divergent labors, some mayhap evanescent, is invariably fortuitous.

Hark! An inconsequential exemplar of the hosieric art:

Devise your benevolent adulatory locutions befittingly. Note bene: Lacking superfluous string, the sibling stock will disdain to emulate its predecessor. The noncomformist comrade will, I adjudge with sorrow, be provocatively accomplished with the florid alternate ribboning depicted herein. There is little dubiety that the ensuing visual effect will acquire a deleterious aspect, but extenuating factors are at play. Namely, my venerable spousal unit has intrepidly bespoken precisely the aforementioned conjugation. We must not impute to him a predeliction for the monstrously unaesthetic. Rather, his premature and transient occupation as a corporate advocate has imbued him with a prudent disinclination for prosiac accoutrement. Presently, as an aspiring intelligent, it is his privilege to be sartorially extravangant.

Co-occuring with the pre-described hose, I have nonchalantly submitted to my tenacious penchant for plaited motifs of gossamer cords on embonpoint needles by initiating procedures for the exquisite garb derived from a certain tome, circumscribed by the following simulacrum:

Scrutinize reverently its circuitous complexity. Without domagoguery, I opine that this undertaking will exhibit longevity.

Ultimately, we terminate in a tam. Comprised of peaceable fleece, it will modestly ameliorate the frigorific glaciality of the iminent season, succoring my head and ministrating to my shivery heatlessness.

Albeit undesirous of appearing antidisestablishmentarian, I submissively postulate that to prolong this inconsequential epistolary endeavor would be superfluous.


Specs said...


Well done!

Beth said...

That was fabulous. Took me a little longer to read but I wish I could speak like that - or write like that even. Bravo.

Alexandra said...


Elle Kasey said...

Thanks for your comment. This is awesome! I was trying to use antidisestablishmentarianism which has long been the longest word I know, but since I had that random photo from some lunatic at Walmart I had to go shorter. I love your Fair Isle knitting bag, soooo jealous!

Kirsten said...

Upon apprehending such erudition, it is compulsory I affix annotation with clamorous acclaim! Bravo! Bravo!

The Sanguine Gryphon said...

Verily, I applaud this noble effort. But dost not fear that an errant split infinitive might lead to thy defeat in this battle of the wits?

Kate A. said...

A ha! O Sanguine Gryphon (fab name!), I make it a practice to always split infinitives unless the sentence is actually clearer the other way, which is very rare.

Bill Bryson on split infinitives:

"In Latin, it is not possible to split an infinitive. So in English, the early authorities decided, it should not be possible to split an infinitive either. But there is no reason why we shouldn't, any more that we should forsake instant coffee and air travel because they weren't available to the Romans. ...Nothing illustrates the scope for prejudice in English better than the issue of the split infinitive. Some people feel ridiculously strongly about it. When the British Conservative politician Jock Bruce-Gardyne was economic secretary to the Treasury in the early 1980s, he returned unread any departmental correspondence containing a split infinitive. (It should perhaps be pointed out that a split infinitive is one in which an adverb comes between to and a verb, as in to quickly look .) I can think of two very good reasons for not splitting an infinitive.

1.) Because you feel that the rules of English ought to conform to the grammatical precepts of a language that died a thousand years ago.

2.) Because you wish to cling to a pointless affectation of usage that is without the support of any recognized authority of the last 200 years, even at the cost of composing sentences that are ambiguous, inelegant, and patently contorted. "

Let's hope the contest judge is sympathetic, though. Unlike - say - many of my professors....

Tarilyn said...

Color me impressed!

The Purloined Letter said...

"Hosieric art" is the most brilliant turn of phrase I've seen all year!

schrodinger said...

Fantastic Post. Congratulations!

sienna said...

Congrats on your win! I am truly humbled. :)